In your situation, using the Tables view by your wive and friend is not a good way to do what you want to do.
Instead, all of you should declare each other as a friend in the Friend List (the menu item below Tables), by adding the others' names in the field at the bottom. That needs to be done only once.
Then, when you want to play and you are working on the table setup as usual, your wife/friend should go to the Automatch view, and look at the right side in the Friends pane. You will be listed there and they can join from there.
Since that view only needs to look at very few players (your friends) that view will update much faster (usually <1s) when something changes.
Technically, only your wive and friend need to declare you as their friend for this to work, but in case at some point somebody else does the setup, I suggest doing it mutally.
Instead, all of you should declare each other as a friend in the Friend List (the menu item below Tables), by adding the others' names in the field at the bottom. That needs to be done only once.
Then, when you want to play and you are working on the table setup as usual, your wife/friend should go to the Automatch view, and look at the right side in the Friends pane. You will be listed there and they can join from there.
Since that view only needs to look at very few players (your friends) that view will update much faster (usually <1s) when something changes.
Technically, only your wive and friend need to declare you as their friend for this to work, but in case at some point somebody else does the setup, I suggest doing it mutally.